Hello peeps. It's been another long time since I've last written anything and many things have happened to me. And they aren't good stuff either.

Remember the last incident that happened to me on the train? Till now I haven't really recovered from its aftermath. I still had lingering "stuffy feel" in the chest and fuzzy focus and nausea every once in a while and it's taking a toil on me. I mean. I can't concentrate, I live in fear.
And the trigger point that the doctor pointed out to me, I've already made known to my parents just now. Finally. Without breaking down crying, like how I did in front of the doctor, kk and matthew.
The last incidence I had was diagnosed as Panic attack by my school's doctor. He counseled me for a while and after a cry I felt much better. He even gave me some Bible verses to remember. So it's a time for mature thinking, for me to understand myself and a determination to control my own thoughts and feelings. It wouldn't be easy, but I have to overcome it. I don't want it to turn into a mental disorder. I hope I can, but I can't depend on myself anymore, I still have to turn to God.

I'm glad I have very supportive friends around me, looking out for me and stuff. People like zl and jasline. Guess you can't find any humans who have to wake up at unearthly hours just to take the train to school and home with you. Or to cheer you up and protect you and stuff. I am so freaking blessed.

Of course I told markie... who suggested yoga and meditation. (-_-||) And KK... who called back after his tuition to give me a lecture for 45mins. Ok, he was scolding me and I was crying like some ugly fart but I know he's concerned la. People are using their different methods to console me.

Today was a bad day. I totally have no mood to go to school. I did recover some time after I reached school though. Then before my abnormal test I was feeling quite bad again. So Jas helped me to message matthew who was doing research at IMH and I called him. Then he helped me say a prayer and listened to my woes. And I seriously felt calmer after the crying and prayer. It's really healing. I am very very grateful to this brother who took out time to listen and pray. And I still feel so touched now I'm almost tearing as I type this. Haha. No kidding.
To be honest, the first 30 mins of tuition was another ordeal.

Then I was thinking, after the prayer today.
That God is trying to bring me back to Him again.
He has been trying all the time whenever I drifted away, friends, pastors, people whom I know would be there for me and now a panic attack to remind me.

I seriously, seriously wish for the bad feeling to go away.